All the normal tasks like brushing her teeth or combing her hair or changing into her pyjama felt tedious tonight and her apartment seemed a lot more empty than it usually was and it felt too small and too big at the same time as she lay down on her bed to sleep. Yet she continued to feel restless with all the pros and cons of a relationship with John running through her head. It was almost as if she had forgotten something important, like switching the light off or like she had left on the oven, like something was missing. She turned on her side and outstretched her arm but the bed next to her was empty. There was no one there, no chest to keep her warm, no hand to hold her and there never would be. Unless. . .
Angrily she threw her duvet back. She put on her robe and her slippers, grabbed her key and headed out of her apartment, upstairs, and knocked on John's door. When he opened only wearing his pyjama buttons and a plain shirt he seemed utterly surprised to see her and Clara didn't even care how he looked now with his tousled hair or how ridiculous the question mark pattern on his trousers was. She punched him softly in the shoulder.
“I can't sleep! Are you happy now?!”
“Ow, Clara! What's going on?” he asked in confusion, holding the spot where she had just hit him.
“I want to sleep with you,” Clara said determinedly.
John's eyebrows shot up and his mouth opened but he never made a sound.
“Sorry, bad choice of words,” she mumbled, “I want to sleep here. In your bed. I can't stand to be alone anymore.”
Without questioning her further John opened the door a little wider to let her in and closed it when she came to stand in the middle of his room. Clara took a deep breath and tightened her robe around her body.
“Are you alright?” John asked sincerely when he stopped next to her.
Clara couldn't stop herself. The tears just came flowing over her cheeks as she realized her carefully built walls were crumbling down. John however seemed to understand as he closed his arms around her in a tight hug.
“Congratulations,” she said through her tears, “You did it. Here I am. You made me want this and now you better take care of me!”
Clara felt him running his fingers through her hair before he kissed her head.
“That's all I've wanted since I came to this town,” John whispered, “I'm glad you decided to let me.”
Slowly he released her from the embrace but held on tight to her arms, carefully pulling her in the direction of the bed. Clara smiled weakly at him as she climbed in bed next to John and he covered both of them with the duvet. John closed his arms around her and Clara curled up against his chest and somehow it felt better than anything else had felt in years, better than sleeping with him in the garage, better than dancing with John, better than his kisses. This was a whole different kind of intimacy, making her feel loved and wanted and protected and it didn't take her long to drift off into deep sleep.