She was crying now. She had tried not to but it hadn't worked. She saw John approaching her, probably in an attempt to comfort her but she had to stop him.
“Because my boyfriend died,” Clara found herself yelling.
He stopped dead in his tracks, the mask of confusion and anger dropping instantly.
“He died and the last thing I said to him was that he was the last person who would ever hear me say 'I love you'. I don't even know if he heard it but I promised him and I will never break that promise.”
“Clara,” John tried to say but she interrupted him immediately.
“No, don't say it. Whatever you're feeling right now, just keep it to yourself,” Clara said angrily and wiped away her tears, “It's probably best if we do break up. You deserve better.”
“No, you deserve better,” he said determinedly, quickly before she had the chance to interrupt him again.
“Why? When Danny died, he took my whole life with him. My love, my job, everything. Now I'm just empty. I have nothing to give.”
As she spoke John stepped closer and only stopped right in front of her. Clara felt his hand stroking her hair gently before he pulled her to his chest and hugged her tightly. She couldn't help but start sobbing again.
“Come here,” John said softly and lead her to the sofa. They both sat down and Clara kept her face buried in his chest and cried until there were no more tears left in her.
He made no other attempt to talk to her for quite some time, instead he just held her, stroking her hair and allowing her to let it all out.
At some point Clara must have fallen asleep because she woke up in his embrace. His caresses had stopped, but John was still holding her, watching over her.
“Hey,” he whispered as soon as she stirred.
“Hey,” Clara replied weakly. She felt so tired after all the crying.
“Clara,” he began carefully, “What you said, it's not true. You deserve to be happy. No man that has ever loved you would want to see you unhappy. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.”
“How?” she asked without looking up.
“I've had my share of losses, more than I would've liked. None of them were worth throwing your life away for. I know it's not easy or dealt with in a few weeks, I know the guilt can be overwhelming sometimes. But eventually you'll make it and I'd like to be there for you all the way. That is, if you want me there.”
Clara reached out and took his hand in hers, admiring it for a while before she responded.
“I don't know,” she sighed, “I keep changing my mind. I really enjoy being with you, but sometimes I just feel like I'm not really me, like this isn't really my life and when everything get so surreal the thought of Danny keeps coming back to me and I can't handle it. I just feel lost.”
“Mh, have you ever considered that the feeling of being lost might have nothing to do with you and me?” John asked. “Maybe you really aren't living your life.”
“I want to go home,” Clara admitted sadly.
“That's okay,” John sighed, “I'll pack our things.”
OOO 2 DAYS LATER OOO